After You Leave Wont You Close The Door

And don't forget what I told you.

So It's 5:17am and my typing is so as hell. Woot.

5 stars for early morning blog! (not according to my body though)

Alright so I really need to clear my mind. The stress of school and other things have mixed together and are causing a train wreck in me. It's rather pointless, and I consider it so be annoying because as soon as this week is over, I'll think to myself was it really worth running all those situations through my mind? It only made you feel worse (you as in me).

Awesome. So I'm going to stay up until the cafe opens up for breakfast and then grab some food. Come back and then sleep for 6 hours before going to English (its supposed to be a final, but not really, just a bunch of cool science experiments)

But really. I just went out for a smoke to calm me down (didn't work of course, smoking is unhealthy so it made it worse). But bleh just some senseless words to write down somehow sets it a little better.

Alright time for the niddy griddy. And the main point.

So I'm really just wanting to be a friend to her, a best friend. I've realized my position and what way I set into her life, and really that all.

friend zone much?

Yeah, its typical for a guy to fall into that. But I'm ok with it (my emotions are not of course and are beating at my door to get out)

But really I love her as a friend and want to stay (need to stay) that way. Hopefully i'll have this conversation with her because thats really whats on my chest. It will clarify things, and I will be able to just move on.

So yes I care a lot about her pretty much do anything for her, but really. It's all for the fact that she needs to be happy. Needs someone to carry her and be there any time (like at 5 in the morning). So a senseless blog to write down is the only way to communicate this right now. I don't want an outside opinion this is just something that needs to be resolved in me.

It's a nice little battle between reality and my emotions.

Guess whos going to win?

Hence why I need to just calm down about it. So yes a nice little struggle in me that goes on and on. Because, put plainly. I don't care about how I feel because it would go against her judgement and everything I have said.

Hopefully I can look back at this and realize that playing Russian Ruelette with and automatic pistol was a much better idea.

But still. It's worth a shot (no pun intended).

I won't keep writing, because ill just repeate myself and thats annoying.

Insert happy pic? I think yes.


Haha. I'm not going to say that to my sister. She would not like :D.

To end: I'm not a man ruled by emotion. I'm ruled by reason. I'll cast my cares away and stand by her. Carry her to happiness. I'll leave behind my sorrors when she becomes happy. It is when she finds herself to let him show her how to play a guitar. Because her heart is too fragile to play with. And that is a man's Romance.

And my resolve as a friend.