Life Fades Away, Yet Reality Doesn't

I am so pissed. My laptop. Fried. Done. Gone.

I just needed it until the end of the year, and now its broken. The motherboard is shot, the only thing I can save from it is the hard drive. Shit.

The thing wasn't my life even though some people would say it was. It was something that had become really useful because I have started to do new things on it like Photoshop, writing programs, learning different techniques with programs. It really sucks this had to happen now. Gawd karma is a bitch.

The weird thing was I played golf really well today even though it was slow as hell. Haha some guy got their cart stuck on a rock and we had to wait 20 min on the tee for them to push it out. And the really fun thing was that the cart had an automatic break, which it took them awhile to figure that out.

So I guess now I can only say....fuck karma lol

"Until you value yourself, you won't value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it."
~M. Scott Peck

The Cracked Glass

So it's almost the new year, and I am pretty excited. New things to do, goals to make. I'm done with 2008 and I am glad it only lasts a year. I hope that 2009 fulfilles a lot of promises, because a lot of promises have been made. This year has been pushed through many challenges, and is kinda hard to get through.

"That's what she said"

Well I am still enjoying my stay in San Diego, though I miss my friends greatly. It's kinda lonely right now because I don't really have anyone to talk to in person except my parents, but of course they can only do so much.

*Sigh* I have what I guess is called writers block, that even effects my blogging. I can't really write what I want to right now because I don't know how to phrase it. Oh well I guess my blogs right now will be plain and simple.

Happy Holidays

I hope everyone had a good Christmas and got what they wanted. This is a wonderful day not just for the presents, but what it represents. I always cherish this day because I know it has a great meaning. I disregard the name when it comes to the idea that your supposed to hold on to what you have close to you. Your most valuable possessions whatever it may be. Everyone has something that they admire and hold on too, whether it would be an object that has some meaning, or someone close to them. This day is a reminder that we don't have to receive as giving achieves so much more. So I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday, because I know that I did.

So Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night. For this is a day that should be carried to the next as a reminder, and how people need to remember the


"People don't feel accomplished of achieving something, but rather of how they achieved it."

Look On the Other Side

So I failed trying to write a blog on my ipod....at a B-Ball game. Even though I didn't pay attention to the game, but o well I am usually supposed to fail once a day....except when that M&M hit my tooth....dang that hurt.

Yay I love Christmas, and music that goes along Christmas, more specifically Trans Syberian Orchestra is amazing. Though, I wish I was next to a fire right now reading a book with it snowing outside man that is what I think Christmas is for me. Sitting right by a warm fire with cocoa a book blanket, and it snowing outside. Sheesh but of course thats only a dream, and dreams are like rainbows, only idiots chase them (maybe I should replace idiots with eletist and see what happens).

So the only thing I did pay attention to tonight's game is the fact we lost, which isn't no surprise to me but haha I predicted it, as always.

And I have just discovered that George Bush is the matrix!! I swear he has ninja reflexes because I know that I couldn't dodge a shoe like that.

"I imagine what wrong, and know whats right"
~Me

Unstabilitificationism

Lately I have been unbelievable happy which I never thought I would obtain that kind of emotion right now, but I am. Well I guess there might be some underlying emotion that is not coming out of its shell yet, which I am going to leave that to my subconscious right now because I want to enjoy what little I have in me.

I guess its what the title suggests, I am actually unstable, read to crack anytime. Though, I am preparing myself for it as it is going to take something big to bring me down.....unless its already nibbling away at me. But, o well I keep going knowing nothing about the future and just taking what I can obtain, and forget about the past. For now....

"Even the big picture has a frame that limits it"
~Me

To the World

 

So, I look out the window and find that there is still no snow. This is quite annoying to me because I love the snow; it gives me a sense of happiness.

It was supposed to snow today, and well it did, but it wasn't even close enough to being sufficient.

    *Sigh* it's scary that it hasn't snowed a lot yet, because well its supposed to this time of year, since well.....its December!!!

 

Grr its throwing off my seasons    

 

Life just fail me, just fail me now

 

"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option"

 

 

 

Damn I Just Lost the Game

Mmmmm....I'm having another sugar craving and luckily I have the candy and soda to satisfy it.





"Operator: Main screen turn on.
Captain: It's You!!
Chris: How are you gentlemen.
Chris: All your base are belong to us.
Chris. You are on the way to destruction.
Captain: What you say!!
Chris: You have no chance to survive make your time.
Chris: HA HA HA HA ..."

A Good Day Remembered

I am exhausted about today. Waking up on a Saturday at 5:30 in the morning was not fun, also taking a test to see if your smart enough to get into college was not fun either. Yes I had to take the SAT today and man was it a long four hours. It felt so good to be done with it though I am a little nervous in getting my scores back, as my last ones were not that great.

Though, it was fate or something because when I was at the testing center I met my long lost friend (it means I haven't seen him in awhile). We hung out afterwords and talked for awhile to get caught up on both of our lives.

Finally I got home around 5 and took a nap till dinner, and a last minute decision I made, was to go to the boys basketball game. Which luckily we won.

A simple day sure, but a good one nonetheless

"Every man's dream is tainted by his unfortunate understanding that the world is limited"

Anxiety Pills Please

Well I really hate having that heavy feeling in my gut. It weighs everything down and I just can't feel I can get back up. Though I keep remembering that I must keep smiling. And I do. I keep smiling. I don't want to stop because people should worry about whats going on with me. It's not there duty to feel sorry for me and I don't plan on making it that way. Sure I want people to care for me, to understand what I am going through, but not feel sorry. I hate the very words of it. It would describe me as someone who is weak, who only hopes for the good to come out of the world. Instead I plan on reaching for the good in life.

Sorry I got a little off topic there. It's seems to be that this is what's going to happen for sometimes. I am warning you that some of my posts will be very long in the future. I'm not trying to turn this blog into a journal, but you can probably see that it sure mirrors one. O well, I am free to write whatever I want and well things like this is what I want to write about. Haha I guess I am really tired because I am confusing myself about what I want to write next. So I am going to bed.

Good Night, and Good Luck

"Our mistakes are not truly seen by our eyes, but by our hopes that were not fulfilled"
~Me

Slow Day

I am extremely bored right now, grr I have nothing to do which sucks. Though I am hoping the weekend goes by quicker as well as the month so I can go back to SD and enjoy life just a tiny bit more.

Ah well I guess I should be studying today because of the SAT tomorrow (I hope I do well). *Sigh* and there is no one to talk to right now because everyone is busy (so I think)....

Oh I almost forgot that I still can read my weekly manga. Yay! Ok so now I am a little excited, and am going to conclude with a quote that describes me well....

"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars."
...Oscar Wilde

The Ham Sandwhich Wins...

Ah today is Thursday, but it feels like a Friday, for reasons. Yes I have no school tomorrow, which is a plus plus for me. Damn, I forgot I have the SAT Saturday...dang it

Life just fail me now...

Anywho it still doesn't mean I can't relax even though I have to get to bed early tonight and get up reasonably early tomorrow.....eh me thinking about it is making it less and less fun.

Today was a good day I guess (comparing to yesterday at least) and my Ipod touch finally came in the mail (haha my browser's spell check thinks Ipod doesn't belong in the dictionary). Continuing on, yes today was at the most normal I shared a few laughs with people as well as conversing deep topics with others. But mostly it improved from yesterday and my emotions, though still diving through hell, have improved, even though the slightest. So I am still going to have a smile on my face and hope....well not hope, hope is for the weak minded, but I will expect things to get better and I will make sure of it. Though one of these days I need to post about the summit (I have a lot to talk about and I didn't get around to it yesterday....you know why)

So.....I really don't know what else to write so I am going to play with my new toy (this is a test for the dirty minded people.....results are.....you fail)

"A ham sandwhich is better than nothing, and nothing is better than eternal happiness, then that means a ham sandwhich is better than eternal happiness"

Here it goes again.

So I lied about me trying to post everyday, but I will try to get better at this since I am kinda new to blogging. But that's not the point of this post, right now its more of writing what I am feeling right now because I am frustrated and this is the only way I can get it out.

I thought I was over and done with the whole getting hurt by someone, at least in high school. I thought I was going to get through the year with nothing to be hindered by, but of course somehow this pain has returned. Sure I do like someone but I wasn't going to act on it or anything, that feeling was just there. Just there for me to look at it and ponder of what could be but never will. (I do a lot of pondering, I guess I'm a deep thinker.) Anywho, yes as I was saying, I thought this type of pain was gone for awhile yet of course someone comes in under the radar and catches me off guard and there I am on the sidelines dumbfounded by what has just happened. I guess it's my fault for not acting on it as its my nature. My nature is being cautious and taking one step at a time, tiptoeing forward. Yet somehow I trip land flat on my face, and this is where I am now, on the ground just lying there.....not wanting to get up right now as this is the 3rd time this has happened to me.

I guess I can only say that I need to change my nature and stop hiding behind the curtains and go for it when I really want to because I'm always going to shoot myself in the foot if I don't.

I could go on into what I would do for that person, why I care about that person, but sadly I already threw that thought away and am now trying to just forget, because that's all anyone can do. And I realize I am not the only one out there going through this, but God, I wish I was because no nice guy deserves something like this, especially happenes again to them.

All I can say is: Nice guys finish last.

So I vented a little bit, I just have to push foward, and maybe that's completely forgetting who she is and only remember that she is only a friend and the rest is invisible.

"Screw my life
But not my happiness
For one without happiness
Loses their sense of forgiveness"

.Everyone's beggining.

I have decided to create my own blog, finally.

Something that I can just write things down and the everyday passerby can read.

*Hopefully FAIL doesn't become written all over it.*

Well I will try to write up something everyday, or when I feel like it (which means more than once a day)

So its the kickoff of my life written in text. Enjoy.