What I really need right now
Nice cup of coffee
In Downtown Boise
To just think about things, really I need peace. This school has been torment. People around me have been torment. My emotions have been torment.
I just need to think.
Thats how I do it.
I need someone to talk to.
Someone close.
To give me some sense back.
To help me find resolve.
This is torture.
Worse than waterboarding.
Just to sit down with peace.
To think.
Just to see what the world would be like
If everything
Had peace.
Or maybe Golf, I don't know
Just something to help me be at ease.
To sort things out.
To reach a little happiness.
And use it wisely.
Peace
*sigh*
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Saturday, April 4, 2009
When Should the White Flag Be Waved?
So this year is still continuing to take a depressing turn on things. Which sucks, because it effects me, and causes a ripple effect in everything I do, or feel. Like this blog, not the happiest I know which can get a little repetitive because i'm not one who writes like Poe
Nor am I mentally insane, just a little schizophrenic
So yes this blog has taken a demonizing turn, which also includes more of a poetic form.
More Digression:
To tell you, and well mostly myself the truth because I know a lot of people don't read this or at least to my knowledge, but plainly I am sick of it. Its getting annoyed that I am stressed out all the time because it also combines with depression, which two forces that always implode when they get near each other, and well im in the center of that implosion so pretty much I am getting hit in all directions.
I ask myself, well where should I look then? Everything is caving in on itself around me, where can I look? Which I can only resolve that everything has a blind spot so to speak, or a hole, or in a geek approach, a backdoor. So yes, where can I look? Well one solution would be to be fooled again and look at her, believing that is the right answer.
Nope, try again
Ok, how about the future? Like college?
Nope, almost, its not like there is the light at the end of an infinite tunnel.
Hmm, ok so yes I took two stabs in the dark, and both of them failed.
So yes that is the question I am pondering with myself. A question that might contain a double edged sword.
Which great, after I get destroyed by everything around me, now I have to deal with getting hurt by the things that I hold dear (hence the double edged sword)
Metaphores.....suck
So yes another topic that is also on my mind.
It's basically the fact that I feel very lonely, and in the dark about things. Really I have no one to talk to about it, and its difficult. The reason is because there is no time to, its always the fact that I can never be alone with that friend to talk about it anyways, so really I can't do much about it, and its not the other persons fault, its just the way things are, and what I have to get used to.
Another yet, painful, introduction into the real world
Something I am not ready for
Because I haven't even been through the illusion of a relationship, yet I have already seen the reality of being hurt by someone.
Pity, I guess I answered the unthoughtful question of which came first the illusion or the reality?
Fuck reality
Damn my emotion
Damn my feelings
Damn my life
So yes, there is so much more to see in a teenage life, or I guess it should be high school life, since I am an adult now. So what can I do?
And I can't sit there and be depressed, I am always moving because I am trying to find the answer, which being frozen in time with emotions is not going to get you closer to it.
Sure I stop to reminisce with my feelings from time to time, but I keep going.
That's the whole point of looking once, and blinking twice.
[/rant]
Nor am I mentally insane, just a little schizophrenic
So yes this blog has taken a demonizing turn, which also includes more of a poetic form.
More Digression:
To tell you, and well mostly myself the truth because I know a lot of people don't read this or at least to my knowledge, but plainly I am sick of it. Its getting annoyed that I am stressed out all the time because it also combines with depression, which two forces that always implode when they get near each other, and well im in the center of that implosion so pretty much I am getting hit in all directions.
I ask myself, well where should I look then? Everything is caving in on itself around me, where can I look? Which I can only resolve that everything has a blind spot so to speak, or a hole, or in a geek approach, a backdoor. So yes, where can I look? Well one solution would be to be fooled again and look at her, believing that is the right answer.
Nope, try again
Ok, how about the future? Like college?
Nope, almost, its not like there is the light at the end of an infinite tunnel.
Hmm, ok so yes I took two stabs in the dark, and both of them failed.
So yes that is the question I am pondering with myself. A question that might contain a double edged sword.
Which great, after I get destroyed by everything around me, now I have to deal with getting hurt by the things that I hold dear (hence the double edged sword)
Metaphores.....suck
So yes another topic that is also on my mind.
It's basically the fact that I feel very lonely, and in the dark about things. Really I have no one to talk to about it, and its difficult. The reason is because there is no time to, its always the fact that I can never be alone with that friend to talk about it anyways, so really I can't do much about it, and its not the other persons fault, its just the way things are, and what I have to get used to.
Another yet, painful, introduction into the real world
Something I am not ready for
Because I haven't even been through the illusion of a relationship, yet I have already seen the reality of being hurt by someone.
Pity, I guess I answered the unthoughtful question of which came first the illusion or the reality?
Fuck reality
Damn my emotion
Damn my feelings
Damn my life
So yes, there is so much more to see in a teenage life, or I guess it should be high school life, since I am an adult now. So what can I do?
And I can't sit there and be depressed, I am always moving because I am trying to find the answer, which being frozen in time with emotions is not going to get you closer to it.
Sure I stop to reminisce with my feelings from time to time, but I keep going.
That's the whole point of looking once, and blinking twice.
[/rant]
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Adore Me So Lost Memory
Why think in the space of my own dimensions
The four corners that close me in
They retain their shape
And overpower mine
If only, the taste of it
Swallows me whole
Its grasp forgetting mercy
Does its grip give it peace?
While taking away mine?
The four corners that close me in
They retain their shape
And overpower mine
If only, the taste of it
Swallows me whole
Its grasp forgetting mercy
Does its grip give it peace?
While taking away mine?
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