Well of course it will. It's an uneasy feeling right now, the anxiety, not knowing whats going to happen. How my life will be shaped. How other people will help shape it. But yes all in all it will wash away. For the time being, it sucks but I embrace it.
Why?
Well because it tells me that I have finally stepped, wait no leaped, out of my comfort zone. So yes right now I miss home already, I miss everything that set a balance in my life. But I am glad I miss it because that means I need to find a new balance. Which won't be difficult to do I presume. I'll make myself feel like its home soon, because well, I need to call this place home now.
OKU
It's everything
It's how my life will be filled with stories. How my future depends on my success here.
Though I am excited to meet new people, to see new things, experience well, pretty much everything that every typical college kid needs to experience.
So I am happy, of course I don't feel it as of the moment. But it will uncover itself in due time.
I am ready to take on the world.
And I am letting everyone around me know that.
:D
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Marking Everyday. But Still Going Nowhere.
Ah the enjoyment of my time down here in San Diego. It's my hometown and I do miss it so. Of course a visit of it is all that's needed before I venture off into college.
Well a glimpse of what has happened so far:
Got an iPhone (yumm!!!)
Ate pie (and got a 5% increase of yummy too!)
Played Golf
Joined a 24hr fitness center (work out anytime all the time)
Went to an opening night for Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince (waited in line for 4 hours...well 2 of it was in the theater in comfortable seats :)
Future events:
Six Flags
Casino (to play blackjack of course)
Grad Party
Golf Tournament
Figure out my social displacement in the world (explained later in post)
Paintball!!
Ok so my summer has been fun so far, had some relax and do nothing days. Though the only bummer of it was that I wasn't able to get a job hence no income. But hey that's ok I figure some other ways to get cash, and not in an illegal way since....all my friends know I do illegal stuff online (not for money though)
So yes this social displacement. Well if I had a graph for it, which actually would be no point since the social bar would be so low and almost unseen. But I keep getting this awful feeling in my stomach telling me "Chris your on the edge again, your leaning to either be ok or a helpless wreck"
Which I don't know why I am feeling like this. Oh wait I do
Its more of a displeasure of whats taken shape around me. I am actually just frustrated with two people (who shall remain unnamed). Its hard to shape words to take the form of question, as it can easily fall into hatred or jealousy that makes me look bad. I guess the simple answer is, their happiness. Now to make things clear, I am glad that they are happy, I haven't seen her this happy in awhile and well its nice because I know that things have shaped up nicely. But the result of my question is, at what cost?
See my displeasure comes in as what has changed and what I need to start accepting and I am powerless to fight it because my influence goes only so far. So yes the result of both of them being together has changed many things, and luckily for the better. But the thing that I am digressing about is, where does it leave me? See they have shaped their lives with each other in which doesn't include many other people, and I mean it doesn't include anybody close, or at least thats what it feels like. Which sucks. Period.
But the group of us used to be so immersed in with each other and well it was a nice feeling, and well really fun. But now its just broken off into "only the two of them" and the rest of us have only to linger with the other trinkets in our life, which compared to others, I have much fewer. Realizing this has become distasteful knowing that they only bind themselves together and really include no one else. Of course unless brought upon them is when they shall include others. But they never think of including and immersing others in their lives on their own. It seems like it has to be forced upon them.
Is it a sign of immaturity in their relationship? I think it is a little. Which I knew they would greatly disagree with me. I'm sure anyone would if they saw my true position in this world when it comes to relationships (lets just say I currently reside in the moon's shadow)
I don't know really. I am mostly rambling about this.
My thoughts in my head are faintly lit with the coherence that allow me to explain my quandary properly. I wish I could find a way to fix this, while being able to retain the happiness they have achieved. Of course time is actually coming to a halt soon. And the time I have in this life of IC will soon be short lived, and a new one with birth.
For my mind to remain at ease, and all the memories remain untainted. This soul wrestles with one simple thought: I need closure.
Well a glimpse of what has happened so far:
Got an iPhone (yumm!!!)
Ate pie (and got a 5% increase of yummy too!)
Played Golf
Joined a 24hr fitness center (work out anytime all the time)
Went to an opening night for Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince (waited in line for 4 hours...well 2 of it was in the theater in comfortable seats :)
Future events:
Six Flags
Casino (to play blackjack of course)
Grad Party
Golf Tournament
Figure out my social displacement in the world (explained later in post)
Paintball!!
Ok so my summer has been fun so far, had some relax and do nothing days. Though the only bummer of it was that I wasn't able to get a job hence no income. But hey that's ok I figure some other ways to get cash, and not in an illegal way since....all my friends know I do illegal stuff online (not for money though)
So yes this social displacement. Well if I had a graph for it, which actually would be no point since the social bar would be so low and almost unseen. But I keep getting this awful feeling in my stomach telling me "Chris your on the edge again, your leaning to either be ok or a helpless wreck"
Which I don't know why I am feeling like this. Oh wait I do
Its more of a displeasure of whats taken shape around me. I am actually just frustrated with two people (who shall remain unnamed). Its hard to shape words to take the form of question, as it can easily fall into hatred or jealousy that makes me look bad. I guess the simple answer is, their happiness. Now to make things clear, I am glad that they are happy, I haven't seen her this happy in awhile and well its nice because I know that things have shaped up nicely. But the result of my question is, at what cost?
See my displeasure comes in as what has changed and what I need to start accepting and I am powerless to fight it because my influence goes only so far. So yes the result of both of them being together has changed many things, and luckily for the better. But the thing that I am digressing about is, where does it leave me? See they have shaped their lives with each other in which doesn't include many other people, and I mean it doesn't include anybody close, or at least thats what it feels like. Which sucks. Period.
But the group of us used to be so immersed in with each other and well it was a nice feeling, and well really fun. But now its just broken off into "only the two of them" and the rest of us have only to linger with the other trinkets in our life, which compared to others, I have much fewer. Realizing this has become distasteful knowing that they only bind themselves together and really include no one else. Of course unless brought upon them is when they shall include others. But they never think of including and immersing others in their lives on their own. It seems like it has to be forced upon them.
Is it a sign of immaturity in their relationship? I think it is a little. Which I knew they would greatly disagree with me. I'm sure anyone would if they saw my true position in this world when it comes to relationships (lets just say I currently reside in the moon's shadow)
I don't know really. I am mostly rambling about this.
My thoughts in my head are faintly lit with the coherence that allow me to explain my quandary properly. I wish I could find a way to fix this, while being able to retain the happiness they have achieved. Of course time is actually coming to a halt soon. And the time I have in this life of IC will soon be short lived, and a new one with birth.
For my mind to remain at ease, and all the memories remain untainted. This soul wrestles with one simple thought: I need closure.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Determination of the Independent Thinker
Ah sitting in the Oakland airport drinking a Mocha Frap. its kinda nice and soothing especially while i'm surfing the web.
So what says of the day so far?
Well I'm tired from last night from fireworks which were amazing, and lighting my fireworks were even more amazing (and illegal)
The funny thing is that it is always a nice day when your flying because your thirty thousand feet in the air so its always sunny.
I'm excited for my destination because I get away from the "world" of 400 people? Haha. No its just nice to come back to where I grew up and spend pretty much my last summer in SD before I shove off for college (and extremely humid climates)
Oh well I'm going to enjoy the rest of my time of free internet before I have to board (which is in about 10 minutes)
Haha Enjoy (talking to myself)
kafricken /end/
So what says of the day so far?
Well I'm tired from last night from fireworks which were amazing, and lighting my fireworks were even more amazing (and illegal)
The funny thing is that it is always a nice day when your flying because your thirty thousand feet in the air so its always sunny.
I'm excited for my destination because I get away from the "world" of 400 people? Haha. No its just nice to come back to where I grew up and spend pretty much my last summer in SD before I shove off for college (and extremely humid climates)
Oh well I'm going to enjoy the rest of my time of free internet before I have to board (which is in about 10 minutes)
Haha Enjoy (talking to myself)
kafricken /end/
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
21st Centurty Breakdown
Well the first part of my summer is coming to a close,
Shall we have a quick look? An analysis maybe?
Well quickly I can say that this part of the summer has been epically boring which I hope it will be justified in the next month (I'm thinking so)
So a quick input of my goal of this summer was: To hang out with friends
Seemed like it would be an easy success
No harm in aiming for that
Tragically I got burned by thinking that it could be accomplished
I guess I carry some sort of unseen stigma in which anything that is planned by me goes to hell
I'm not sure how far in hell it goes, since I am not the judge of that, but It can only be described at just plain frustration.
I swear I have been going to all ends to do something fun and well my hopes have only seen the light of day about 4 times.
And each time I had to give my hopes sunglasses because it hasn't seen the sun in awhile (I'm glad this is only a metaphor or else this would be really depressing haha)
So, yes I haven't done much, worked during the weeks and the first time in awhile I actually dreaded the weekend because each time it came closer I always said to myself
"Alright whats going to fuck up this week"
Trust me I have tried to be positive about it numerous times, but apparently the only thing "Life" likes to count is fuck ups
Mice and Men had better luck than me
I don't know, as something as simple as the goal of "hanging out with friends" turns every plan into a catastrophe (over exaggeration) then being a simple man is hard.....
So yes this month has only been recorded "fun" four times, in which each time barely was able to happen. I guess everyone has there own lives, and that this is something that has been going on for awhile and the only reason why I am noticing it, is because I am leaving soon.
*sigh*
Viva la Gloria
(Its a good song by Greenday in their new album, the name of it is the title of this blog)
So I really can't find anything else to complain about
Writing this down is the only justification that I can see
Since apparently things can always be worse, and its something that most people would see as not a big deal (which is why I don't talk about it with anybody else)
"It shouldn't be a big deal, but well I don't know, I'm just trying to see some fulfillment in my life before I leave so I can have something to look back on." ~ Said the Vein Shallow Antisocial Guy
/end/
Shall we have a quick look? An analysis maybe?
Well quickly I can say that this part of the summer has been epically boring which I hope it will be justified in the next month (I'm thinking so)
So a quick input of my goal of this summer was: To hang out with friends
Seemed like it would be an easy success
No harm in aiming for that
Tragically I got burned by thinking that it could be accomplished
I guess I carry some sort of unseen stigma in which anything that is planned by me goes to hell
I'm not sure how far in hell it goes, since I am not the judge of that, but It can only be described at just plain frustration.
I swear I have been going to all ends to do something fun and well my hopes have only seen the light of day about 4 times.
And each time I had to give my hopes sunglasses because it hasn't seen the sun in awhile (I'm glad this is only a metaphor or else this would be really depressing haha)
So, yes I haven't done much, worked during the weeks and the first time in awhile I actually dreaded the weekend because each time it came closer I always said to myself
"Alright whats going to fuck up this week"
Trust me I have tried to be positive about it numerous times, but apparently the only thing "Life" likes to count is fuck ups
Mice and Men had better luck than me
I don't know, as something as simple as the goal of "hanging out with friends" turns every plan into a catastrophe (over exaggeration) then being a simple man is hard.....
So yes this month has only been recorded "fun" four times, in which each time barely was able to happen. I guess everyone has there own lives, and that this is something that has been going on for awhile and the only reason why I am noticing it, is because I am leaving soon.
*sigh*
Viva la Gloria
(Its a good song by Greenday in their new album, the name of it is the title of this blog)
So I really can't find anything else to complain about
Writing this down is the only justification that I can see
Since apparently things can always be worse, and its something that most people would see as not a big deal (which is why I don't talk about it with anybody else)
"It shouldn't be a big deal, but well I don't know, I'm just trying to see some fulfillment in my life before I leave so I can have something to look back on." ~ Said the Vein Shallow Antisocial Guy
/end/
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
The Balance Between Life and Reality
So lately I have really been getting into manga. Which is basically a Japanese comic. Some are really really good with many little funny kinks here and there.
Like Naruto, Bleach, One Piece, Fairy Tail. Which are the ones im keeping up on and that I think are really good.
So the conclusion of this year was interesting. Graduation....typical IC kind of graduation haha.
But still I enjoy being done with High School knowing that life is just now getting difficult.
Luckily it hasn't sunk in yet
Yet I am still conscious about it, damn ignorance when are you going to kick in?
*Cough*
So yes this summer will be fun, but fast. It will slowly drift into the fall again and I will start college.
At least it allows me to run away from other people's problems! Which is defiantly a plus because now it allows me to create my own, and I am a very creative person so I epically eff things up! (Im so excited about that haha)
Well, I dont think thats what I intend to do though
/end/
Like Naruto, Bleach, One Piece, Fairy Tail. Which are the ones im keeping up on and that I think are really good.
So the conclusion of this year was interesting. Graduation....typical IC kind of graduation haha.
But still I enjoy being done with High School knowing that life is just now getting difficult.
Luckily it hasn't sunk in yet
Yet I am still conscious about it, damn ignorance when are you going to kick in?
*Cough*
So yes this summer will be fun, but fast. It will slowly drift into the fall again and I will start college.
At least it allows me to run away from other people's problems! Which is defiantly a plus because now it allows me to create my own, and I am a very creative person so I epically eff things up! (Im so excited about that haha)
Well, I dont think thats what I intend to do though
/end/
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Welcome To The Hollidae In
Almost done. Sheesh imagine college is almost here.
Excited. Nervous. Anxiety. Hopeful.
Why I have to say those must be the typical words going through everyone's mind at this time?
Yes yes indeed.
Ok well some more Left 4 Dead action.
Video Games=Pie=Chocolate= 5% Increase of yummy.
/end/
Excited. Nervous. Anxiety. Hopeful.
Why I have to say those must be the typical words going through everyone's mind at this time?
Yes yes indeed.
Ok well some more Left 4 Dead action.
Video Games=Pie=Chocolate= 5% Increase of yummy.
/end/
Monday, May 4, 2009
Waka waka Waka
Who has butterflies in their stomach?
I do!
Who is turning schizophrenic?
We are!
Who is about to say WTF mate a million times?
Ummm people in Austratia?
Why the eff do I care!?
Err....because of the enviornmental factors around you causing you to develop or sort of emotional attachment to certain things as well as your friends who show love and compassion towards you even if you are totally oblivious to it and dont forget that your a nice guy and you have a good heart in which no matter what the situation you will always care even if you don't show it?
Woot!
I do!
Who is turning schizophrenic?
We are!
Who is about to say WTF mate a million times?
Ummm people in Austratia?
Why the eff do I care!?
Err....because of the enviornmental factors around you causing you to develop or sort of emotional attachment to certain things as well as your friends who show love and compassion towards you even if you are totally oblivious to it and dont forget that your a nice guy and you have a good heart in which no matter what the situation you will always care even if you don't show it?
Woot!
Damn my insanity
Yes I am going insane
Which kinda sucks
But who cares?
Oh wait I just answered that
Yay repetition!
/.end
/.end
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